I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
