I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize