I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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