your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
