he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
