I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
