i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
