like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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