just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
