Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
