Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
