so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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