I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
