i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize