There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
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You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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