WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
