You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
