Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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