I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
