Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
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I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
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I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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