I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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