She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just want to make out with him forever
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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