my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
