is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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