Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
