what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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