i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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