The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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