we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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