i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Threesome in a minivan. New low
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
