Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
