Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
