you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
