The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
