I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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