We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
