I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.