Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.