I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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