my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I forget how to act sober
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