I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza