I want to have your abortion
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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