yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
