i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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