I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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