I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
