Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
