Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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