Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
