She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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