I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
