chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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