Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
