I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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