If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
