I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
