So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
