so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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