So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
