i just wanna soil my oats bro
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Mom said you looked used
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
jump out the window naked night went bad
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
