I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
