Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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