i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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