Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
