after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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