so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
