You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
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After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
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he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?