I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk