She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I need a beard to bite.