Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Define "chronic" masturbator.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
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yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
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Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon