you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
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My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever