You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
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I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....