I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot