I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
